We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.